London Party Princesses Pt. 2: The Evil Queen

This is the second instalment of a four-part mini series (part one). These short stories are aimed as a humorous interpretation of classical Disney Princesses in the guise of modern day Party Princesses. It goes without saying that there’s a male equivalent out there that is correspondingly awful to the character portrayed in this episode, but today we shall focus our tale on the female example.

The capes worn by the author in the photos are from her new label Alexicat London and will be available to buy from the upcoming e-commerce structure of her website. Huge thank you to Cuckoo Club, the Holy Grail for party princes and princesses everywhere, for letting us shoot in their beautiful venue! Now, let’s get this party started…

In the deep, dark forest of the London nightlife, it’s easy to become lost: the paths leading us astray are plentiful. You may well find your personality hardened in this climate so cold of love and chock-a-block of mistakes. Naturally, this type of stress can sway even the most saintly of us into sinful behaviour every now and again and that’s all swell. But have you ever looked at one of your acquaintances and thought, “Why does it feel like your motive is evil? I mean, you’re always stealing my hotties?!”

You may be dealing with a Bae Snatcher.

The Bae Snatcher

• Someone who will ruin your game by stealing your romantic interest.
• A repeat Bae Snatcher is best avoided as wing woman/ wing man.
• Bae Snatching may be triggered by competitive feelings between friends. He/She may employ unorthodox methods intended to harm your reputation in order to eliminate future competition while Bae Snatching.

Just like bats – another nocturnal animal with a sinister reputation – operate on a different frequency than humans, so does the Bae Snatcher. She perceives things that you and I don’t pick up, as if she were able to make out hieroglyphs on a wall before anyone else had seen them, let alone understood what they meant. By “things” we refer to social interactions and patterns that she’ll discern immediately upon entering a room in order to better manipulate the situation. The Bae Snatcher will map out the competition, the bounty and the obstacles before you’ve had a chance to order your first Moscow Mule.

Obviously, simply checking out the hotties is no crime in our books and neither is shameless flirting with anyone that comes your way. Hey, it’s a jungle out there. May best contender win! The Bae Snatcher however will go way beyond simply ‘stealing’ your flirt by employing complex strategies of war to annihilate her opponents. The “opponent” herself plays a crucial role in this game for without one, there is none. This is what is infuriating about the Bae Snatcher’s tactic: she will come after anyone you’re interested in, regardless if she’s keen or not. It feels like she does it just to spite you, to prove that she can indeed get the person you yourself wanted to get. It can leave you feeling stupid, unattractive, hurt, and most of all, betrayed. Why would she do that – she’s supposed to be your friend? Yet time and time again, she comes up out of nowhere to snatch the Bae right out of your reach.

Justifying bad behaviour has become simpler thanks to vague defences and superlative “adjectives” made popular by, well, popular culture. “I slay, hey, I’m gon slay. My highlighter so fierce it reflect all the hate back at them haters. My pussy’s the phattest I’m the baddest.”

Never mind for a second how the latter could ever be a good thing. What’s important is A: we’ve managed to turn this into yet another Beyoncé/Nicky Minaj collaboration and B: The Bae Snatcher will genuinely believe in these types of affirmations and will use them when confronted with her disloyalty. To reason with her is hard, because technically, she may not have done anything wrong. Tread with caution while approaching the subject: you don’t want to come off as jealous and after all, personal chemistry is key to any union. Perhaps he just liked her better and was not that into you. If this is the case, get over it. But all fairy tales do not end well. Here’s an example of Bae Snatching gone too far.

Once upon a time – last week actually – there was a Party Princess in London on a night out with her girlfriends. In the club, the Party Princess found a hottie of unprecedented quality: why, he might just be a Prince Charming!

The two lovebirds hit it off big time: any observer could testify to their chemistry. One such observer was a Bae Snatcher, posing as a good friend.

Truth be told, the Bae Snatcher didn’t really care for this guy at all. However, she harboured feelings of malice towards the girl who was pursuing him; paired with a fragile ego, this becomes a lethal combination. Throughout the evening, she tried to get rid of her friend by subtle trash talk and trickery, to no avail. She was a durable opponent, this Party Princess.

A moment of utter despair came over the Bae Snatcher. How was this possible? Surely, she was the more attractive of the two? If she could break it up! On a quest for a drink, the Bae Snatcher bumped into a dodgy fellow who offered her a solution: GHB. Hm, what’s that? It’s a sort of liquid ecstasy that causes feelings of euphoria, drowsiness, and inhibition amongst other things. It’s extremely potent and should not be ingested whilst affected by alcohol: it can knock you out or kill you, all round pretty frikkin dangerous. Great!

Back with her friend, Bae Snatcher slipped some of the drug into her friend’s glass and within a couple of minutes, the Party Princess had abdicated. A delirious mess, one of the real friends spotted the problem and took her home, while, you guessed it, the evil bitch stayed on to seal the Bae Snatch deal.

Drugging someone as a means of Bae Snatching is not cool. Drugging someone anytime, anywhere, is not cool. Bloody hell, it’s not the Wild West: It’s London! Can we act a little more civilised whilst being uncivilised, please? In any case, this last anecdote is one of caution and not a method we’ve heard employed before. Then again, there are psychos out there. Watch out for these Evil Witches saturating the night. She’s a disco bitch. She’s Billie Jean. She’s a desperate Bae Snatcher.

• Photographer: Ricardo Amato
• Make Up Artist: Ligia Costa